When Life Goes Left
When I was younger I thought that by the time I was 25 I would have my life together. I would be getting married, excelling in my career, paying off my student loans at record speed (ha!), and buying my first house. As I sit up writing this I can safely say that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be, and I’m learning that it is OK. I’m 26 years old, living at home, single as a dollar bill, and definitely not “brunching” every weekend as I envisioned. Hell I’m not even working in the field I envisioned for myself when I graduated college, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned you have to go with the flow and accept the opportunities that come to you because sometimes that is what will lead you to your biggest breakthrough.
If we’re being honest, it has taken me nearly 5 months to find the focus and the courage to simply write this post. It was almost 5 months ago to the day that I left a job I loved and left behind everything I knew and thought I needed to be happy. When I made the decision to leave my job it was one that caught many off-guard, including myself in some regards, but it was something I’ve found that I had to do to protect my mental well-being. Was I happy? Sure. I loved my job, but nothing is worth sacrificing your self-respect and inner peace. It was an act of strength, or some may say cowardice, to leave but for me it is what had to be done.
So now I’m at what some would call square one simply trying to find my way out of this black hole that I’ve sunken into over the months. I stopped going out, I put on a smile and acted as though everything was great, but in reality I was going through it. I felt as though I had lost my friends, my social standing, and the little bit of clout in my field that I had worked so hard to gain. I will never say that I was destitute as I had a second job that hired me on full time and a loving family that supported me through it all, but there was still that feeling of inadequacy. That feeling of inadequacy can outweigh anything positive in your life. It will cause you to lose focus on anything else. I already compared myself to my friends and peers I went to school with; now here I was scrutinizing the every move of perfect strangers.
So no I don’t currently have a position in my desired field but I’m thankful for the job I do have. I’m working on buying my first home, traveling the world, and taking the time date. Because let’s be honest, getting married young just isn’t for everybody (I’m still coming to terms with this one tbh) and dating is uh fun. At one point in time I thought I had to have a successful career, brunch on the weekend, travel the world, and truly have my sh*t together, but I’m being a true millennial and forging my own path. I’m drafting my own journey from scratch and it’s exhilarating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared sh*tless but I have faith that in the end everything will turn out better than I could have ever envisioned it for myself.
Finding my light has been a slow process, but I’ve been taking baby steps on finding myself again. Recently I was listening to Attorney Michelle Garcia Shaw speak and she shared one of her favorite quotes, “other people’s opinion of you is none of your business” and it is exactly what I needed to hear. It is the judgement of others that made me so self-conscious and afraid to live my life in the first place. So go right on ahead and continue your own fabulous journey knowing that you’ll end up right where you’re supposed to be in the end.